Tuesday, October 16, 2012

A dilemma.

What sort of dilemma you may ask, for a young kid like me to have? Well it's that kind of things lo....
A heart of seeking love and yet wanted to do well in the studies. The thing I'm worried is whether it's just the work of hormone. I'm not that kind of guy who wants a gf just for the sake of wanting one. I am pretty serious in relationship and I mean it. However it seems quite difficult though as I want to excel in my law, I want to be a good lawyer. So....will it be difficult to find a balance between these 2 then? I really don't know actually, I feel sick these days. I'll be having a vital exam on 1st Nov which will decide everything. I'm messed up man...I don't even know what to do for now. It's so complicated , I wish I could just forget abt it. But somehow I can't....there were a few times our eyes met and I could just feel something right there, well, probably it's just my assumption though, nobody knows. Oh well, life is definitely a mystery and that's why everyone's life is so interesting and I would love to listen to each of them if they willing to share. God! Help me for the upcoming exam, Lord must help me pass this so that I could proceed!! Amen!

Sunday, March 18, 2012

Harsh ''Mid-month''' of March

An urge of writing what's in my heart, yearning to voice out. O Muse, perhaps you are the goddess of Literature but I wonder whether you would work on blog as well? :P

Counting down on days till the MAJOR examination of UOL , intermediate standard...52 days left wei...not much time anymore and I still think I'm not ready. And to make things worse, I'm sick, having fever right now. Just to let you guys know for those who read of course(most probably myself anyway :P) I was ok until thursday. Wednesday night went out with bunch of friends to celebrate my buddy's birthday , It was fun hanging out with them again, they really make me feel comfortable whenever I hangout with them. You might not believe this but we went back to MCKL, our previous college to blow out the candles and made wishes. Of course we didn't leave out snapping photos,if we did that would be silly ,right? About the photographs some were captured in one kind of another, we even laughed at ourselves when we looked back. One of the background was a building right opposite of the college with the heading ''Persatuan Bagi Orang Buta Malaysia(MAB) '' and we are in the photo with the heading somehow show that we are the blind ones, nope swear to God, we have NO intention for mocking the blind.

Coming back on thursday shall we? I was having a headache and feel feverish once I woke up, had my breakfast and took my medicine then it kinda went off but came back just before dinner. I still take my meds after dinner and went to bed. But sadly :( Same thing happened the next morning and imagine going to college with such a heavy headache and the bones aching too!! Pills are taken in , sleep as much as I can after class but still the same. The fever just won't go off!! It's kinda repetitive. Meds in, feel ok for few hours then it came back again. It was until today that I decided to leave the class at 11am this morning and called my mom to bring me to a doctor. I guess my immune system is just not strong enough these days especially with the hot weather outside. And ONE more thing, I noticed the Hall on the first floor in the college is not so hygiene after all!!! There are so many students who are ill and coughing in class!!! SO MANY!!! Imagine how that would help me recover?!!

Anyway, I was given antibiotics and I really hope I would really recover from this fever and get back to work. There are so many things to be done and I have not even started on the VLE essay that need to be submitted by latest first week of May. Examination starts on 10TH May, wish me luck. Nah, wish God guides. I only trust luck for 10% only, effort is another 60% and hopefully with God's consent and blessings hope to get another 30% to make it 100%.

But right now the first thing I really want is to recover from this FEVER!!

A view on the Our Daily Bread.
True success is staying on God's path by following His Word and giving Him praise instead of craving it for ourselves.

Help me, O Lord, lest my heard become proud,
For all of my talents by You are endowed;
Nothing I have can I claim as my own,
What mercy and grace in my life You have shown!-D.De Haan.

Thursday, March 15, 2012

2012 Temptations rule over me ; Rich and Poor

Nobody going to read this anyway, I just wanna use this as a place to say what I want, to shout out what's in my heart. :)

55 days until the UOL exam, less than 2 months. It's going to be very fast, just a blink of eyes and that day will come. Then you ask me, are you ready? To be frank, I'm not,seriously. There are so much more to study. I just don't understand myself though. I'm a person who really suck in controlling myself, always succumb to temptations! I was even more hardworking for the past few months but right now for the exam coming towards me, I feel rather lazy. WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH ME?!!! Am i not suppose to work even harder?!! I feel like a failure again. I don't like to be forced, I don't like to memorize things, I like to learn in my own ways. I love to read about interesting facts like history, general knowledge and some science. I do love to learn new interesting stuffs.

But for the fact that we are all in this world , when capitalism is the basic idea, you can't possibly be good or professional if you don't focus on ONE field. When I say can't possibly be good it means less money earned, that's for sure. In order to make big money, buy nice clothing , big houses , expensive cars , we all know we must be professional in ONE field. You can't possibly survive if you just know a little bit,parts by parts from everywhere....

Money is indeed important. No one will deny that. But...Is money the only thing that will make people happy? I believe the world is being blind folded , unable to see even when we are born with eyes. Sometimes blind men see clearer that us! Like what in the bible says , With eyes cannot see and with ears cannot hear!! I can feel it in this over realistic world. People wouldn't take a glance at you if you are poor but they will bow down to the rich ones. Is this how the world should work? Is this really the world we living in? Is this world really only revolve around the rich ones?

Let me remind you if you don't mind, if there's no poor ones, the rich wouldn't be called rich!! The rich needs the poor and that is the truth! So please If I may say this to those rich people out there, DO NOT LOOK DOWN ON THE POOR WHEN YOU ARE DEPENDENT ON THEM!!

I saw many of those scenes where the Rich bullying , mocking, scolding and killing the poor ones. All I can say is, REPENT!! Woe to you if still proceed with those evil acts!!

Friday, April 8, 2011

2nd Chance

For you out there,Do you believe in second chance?

I do. I always believe that people should be given a second chance no matter what. Even for criminals, they still deserve a chance ,to repent , to change.
To change. Changes can be good or/and bad. I've been working harder, at least harder than the last two years but I just can't see anything from it. Maybe my brain just got ''rusty''? To be frank, I'm really a person who easily get distracted, have to admit there were couple of times that I've got sway away from my work/study. Trial is going on, and final just on the way. If you ask me, I could tell you I'm not ready. But I'll do it. Tired of kept saying try, must give all out this time, my best and THE best! Wish me luck ;)

Another thing or question if it's more suitable , runs in my head. I'm kinda lost about my future. I seriously have no idea what I'm going to do after A level. My results show me that I shouldn't stay in the Science field any more. But where can I go besides Science? I never touched anything in the Art stream , not even Accounts. That's what I'm worried the most. Even if I shift to the Art stream, what should I go for? Business,Commerce? Law? Psychology?What else? MUSIC?

I love Music, Classical Music. But so what? I don't know anything about it except the history of those composers! I mean...I never learned any instrument, don't know how to read the notes and the keys. I just like to listen to them, feel fascinated and amazed of the works from those great composers! Bach, Handel and Vivaldi from the Baroque period. Prodigy Mozart, Beethoven, and Joseph Haydn from the Classical period. Romantic era includes Chopin which is one of my fav, Franz Liszt , Grieg and Tchaikovsky. These are the famous one and I know there are much more. But I think I would like to finish listening to their works first. So...I guess I wouldn't have the chance to study music then, just get to enjoy them.
My first time going to the MPO,Malaysian Philharmonic Orchestra was an unforgettable experience. First time listened to an orchestra and a soloist played. Alice Sara Ott , for goodness sake she's just 22 and she's going around the world performing!! She was the pianist that night and she was AWESOME. She played Grieg's Piano Concerto in A minor Op.16 with the orchestra behind her and she solo Liszt's La Campanella where she BROKE a string!! How fortunate I was to be able to enjoy that with the admission ticket of only RM 15 for student price!! I really want to go again if there are any great performances available.

2nd Chance. Will I have a second chance to excel in my studies? Will I be given a chance to be able to learn how to play the piano? Cuz i really like piano. Will I get the chance to know what I'm good at and find out my talent? Will I be able to get into a good Uni? Will I be able to do well in my LIFE,my STORY? Will I get back to HIM and never ever leave again?
2nd Chances or no?

Sunday, March 6, 2011

First POST in 2011.

Lot of things going around my head these days. Feel awful and lonely, as in nobody really knows me ,knows what I want and what I need. Feel that I'm a flop, just can't do things right. Sigh......relationship with God isn't going anywhere either.
Suddenly feel that life's sucks. Knowing that I'm a lucky guy with family and friends but still feel smth's lacking. I worked hard for it but so what, no results being seen. Just all shits. Am I really that slow? Am I really that dumb? As I'm typing right here....it's raining cats and dogs out there, Dad's watching news, Mum is still in Singapore for holiday but with cough. Hope she's ok though.

Qualifying test is tmr , I don't feel i'm 100% ready. Feel like giving up , I know the papers ain't going to be easy. Sigh......what can i do after A level? Where should i go? What should i take? What should i be ? Sad man......I need determination and persistence!! It's only 2-3 months away from the Edexcel Exam, am i able?

It's still raining. Feel like going out and get wet, lie on the ground , under the rain. Rhythms of it make me think even more. Sad , worried, paranoid , anxious , angry, disappointment. Yea...i know. I am this negative. Feel so unworthy. Want to be stronger though. I saw a quote from the former President of US. It is like this:

“Nothing in this world can take the place of persistence. Talent will not; nothing is more common than unsuccessful people with talent. Genius will not; unrewarded genius is almost a proverb. Education will not; the world is full of educated derelicts. Persistence and determination alone are omnipotent. The slogan "press on" has solved and always will solve the problems of the human race”

By Calvin Coolidge.

Sunday, April 11, 2010

It's getting tougher... all back to usual

11th April 10. 11:30 pm.

Well...a week has passed. Everything back to usual... People said college would be different? For me, it's quite the same...yea...of course few changes are there. But more or less...still the same.
On 9th of April,friday,after lessons... went to easter rally. I was glad that many ppl actually went, not only christians but non christians too...
Yea...it was quite fun, praise and worship was great too... and we were all sorted into different groups... my group, lucky 1, FROG~~~i own 2 atrium and one ventricle i guess =P
The posing... here's the thing, we were given incidents of Jesus' doings... and we were suppose to act it out with posing and let the photographer snap our poses. Between that time, something came as a surprise. Eugene!! Long time din see this bro ,man....he looked the same to me, just more intelligent....
The really touching part was all of us wrote a note and one by one went up stick the note on the cross. It resembled all of our sins were on His back, all He was bearing , carrying the cross....ALL BY HIMSELF.... felt touched with such great love He has for us... that this amazing grace of His that we received...i feel so unworthy to have it.

Weeks passed, but i'm still the same... always stick to the pc. This has to change, i can't live with this man, i have to change!!! I have to focus!!! I still have many things to learn!! Learn how to write better and fix my chem and physics....and oh yea.... bio quiz on wed... have to do my best with that. Gotta do everything to the best!!! That's how life suppose to be....I want to make my own thrilling story!! Well...starting of another week....let's see how things go by....=)

Sunday, April 4, 2010

College, only the first and second week...

My heart was pumping, i was perspiring......We were all given papers, question papers. Everyone was doing it, writing answers on it. But for me...i was staring at that paper, it looked back...... pen in my hand but wasn't writing anything. Y? Because i didn't even know how to do the 1st question!!! Darn it!! Calculations... always give me a migraine, don't really like them. But i know they are important, important in life and every aspect. Chemistry... Physics... both have calculations. That's y i like Bio the most, with the least calculation in it. =)
Sigh~~~ What should i do?!!! Am i able to catch up? A-level is not easy,man! Everyone in my class are geniuses, all went to apply for JPA , all with at least 7A's and above.... Arg!!! Seriously... i'm a bit scared and anxious about this. I just hope the Lord will grant me strength and wisdom to get through this... hope He might send someone to help me...